Comparing Beauty Across Color Lines

Some people get caught up in trying to compare beauty across color lines.  But this can’t be done.  Because we are so physically different that we can’t be compared.  It makes me think of those people who try to compare Black women’s beauty unfavorably to white women’s beauty.  But the two can’t be compared because they’re not even similar enough.  They’re so dissimilar that no comparison can be made.  And preferences are not always relevant.  I mean I might prefer green skin on a man, but that doesn’t mean that orange skin is ugly.  It just means that I don’t get turned on by orange skin.  But orange skin is still beautiful anyway.

So please, please stop thinking that your preferences define an entire group of people.  Because they don’t.  Your preferences don’t define anything except what you like personally.

Black Women and the Marriage Blah

I don’t want to have to post about this anymore.  I got tired of this subject before people even got to talking about it.  But for some reason, I feel the need to talk about it now.

The subject I’m talking about is the most tired subject of all.  It is the one that involves Black Women’s Dating and Marriage Situation.  Whatever that is.  Because see, I haven’t even figured out what that is.  I’m a Black woman, but my dating and marriage situation does not belong to an entity.  It is not “Black women’s”.  It’s mine.  I own it.  I and I alone.   And it’s nobody’s business but mine.  I know that may be hard for a lot of people to believe, but it’s true.  My dating and marriage situation is not a statistic.  Nobody knows anything about it except me, those closest to me, and God (Who knows more about it than even I do!)

Different people have different agendas.  I’ve learned this.  One group will tell Black women “lower your standards” (and that’s another thing I haven’t figured out.  How does a person “lower” her “standards”?)  Another group will say “marry outside your race”.  And another group will say “consider polygamy”.   Each group has an agenda – something it wanted Black women to do anyway.  And each group is taking advantage of a “situation” in order to get what it already wanted. 

Now don’t take anything I say the wrong way.  If you want to marry interracially, group up, or see yourself as being a “lower standard” for Black women, then go right ahead.  You certainly have the God-given right to do any of those things. (  Although I have to say that I like the interracial option for Black women better than I do the man-led orgy option.)   I’m just trying to say that this isn’t about American Black women, so much.  It’s about somebody trying to get what they want from somebody else.  And this is all it’s ever been about.  Most of the people who like to flap their lips about “Black Women’s Dating and Marriage Situation in America” don’t give a hoot or two cents about Black women.  Because if they did, they wouldn’t bamboozle everybody with these misleading statistics, or immediately bring up their poly fetish.

People who talk about “Black Women’s Dating and Marriage Situation” always want to bring up the “Black Men in Prison” thing.  But I don’t understand what this has to do with my “love life”.  The two are not even mildly relevant by a long shot.  Not as much as I can tell.  If anybody out there can show me where the relevancy is, I’d really appreciate it.   But I warn you, you’ll be in for a task.  I mean being that you don’t have access to my “love life” and all.  Second thoughts, don’t even bother.  Because you would have to be me to answer that question.   I’m the only me there is, and I can’t even find the relevancy!

And guess what?  Not all women want to be married by the time they’re 25 to 30.   I know that’s mind-blowing, but it’s true.  There are women who want to wait until they’re well into their thirties and even their forties to marry.  AND there are women who will choose to wait longer than that.  I know it sounds earth-shattering, but it isn’t.  IT’S TRUE.  THERE ARE WOMEN WHO HAVE MADE THE CHOICE TO PUT MARRIAGE OFF UNTIL LATER ON!  And why?  It’s simple.  BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT THEY WANT TO DO.

And guess what else?  There are women who don’t want to get married PERIOD.  I can think of a woman who was interviewed on a radio show one time.  I can’t remember her name, but she decided not to get married because she wanted to spend her time touring the country as a professional pianist, and she felt that marriage and children would have taken that away from her.

A lot of people act as if their brains were switched off.  Or were never hooked up in the first place.  They don’t seem to know that a woman doesn’t have to be married in order to be in love with a man or to be romanced (Everybody should know this).  A woman can have several great romances and never be married (Everbody should know this too).  Statistics can’t show us the percentage of Black women that have had at least one great boyfriend, or at least one great love affair (that didn’t involve marriage).  And marriage doesn’t have to happen when you’re in your twenties.  I knew a couple that got married when they were in their 70s.  And they had a good life together.

I go back to this Black men shortage thing because I have never been able to figure out what this has to do with me.  It just perplexes me and causes me to get really emotional.  So, 18000000000000 American Black men are in prison.  And that effects my ability to get a husband . . . how?

Preoccupied with the Love Lives of Black Women

Lots of people seem to be preoccupied with the dating/marriage situation of American Black women.  The issue of Black women’s love lives has been a spotlight topic for many years.  I thought that this year – 2010 – would see people losing interest in this topic.  But I was wrong.  Apparently, there are specials still being aired on TV and many people still debating and blogging about it on the internet.

I never understood why Black women are singled out in regards to this issue.  This group of women makes up about 6 percent of this country’s population, and yet it’s singled out like it’s the only group of women in America.

The focus is on Black women in general.  But typically, “successful Black women” are singled out moreso than others.  “Successful” meaning she makes a lot of money and probably has a college degree (or two).  Apparently, having lots of money, a college degree, and no husband is the ultimate tragedy for any American Black woman.  This is because, by rule, women are supposed to work hard to climb upward in their chosen careers.  And then, after years of hard work and sacrifice, reward themselves with marriage and children (i.e., more years of hard work and sacrifice).

One thing that people need to get straight on this Black women’s dating/marriage issue – is it “42% of Black women are single?”  Or is it “70% of Black women are single?”  And which one is the more tragic of the two figures?  Because the same amount of fuss is made over both.  Even though one is noticeably much lower than the other.

More About Tiger Woods and Angry Black Women

When you look up Tiger Woods’ name on the internet, the words “black women” always comes up.  And that phrase “black women” is usually paired up with words like “angry”, “mad”, “jealous”.  Followed by something like “at Tiger Woods for dating white women” or “of Tiger Woods’ mistresses”.

So this man cheats on his wife with 13 to 15 women.  He may or may not have used protection every time.  Which means that he possibly put himself and his wife at risk for various STDs and STIs.  It’s also possible that he fathered children (or a child) through his affairs.  If this did happen, it’s going to make matters even more complicated for him and his family, especially his children, who could possibly end up having brothers or sisters outside of their mom’s and dad’s relationship. 

So we have all of these potentially devastating things going on.  And the only thing many people want to do is hang around on the internet and fantasize about angry black women.   

This is the kind of the thing that makes  American Black women angry and bitter, I believe (well, those like myself).  Constantly being accused of being angry and bitter when you haven’t even said or done anything angry and bitter!  It’s like having a person tell you, “I like such-and-such-a-thing and I don’t care what you say about it! ”  Your reaction will naturally be, “Huh?  What are you talking about?  You can like such-and-such-a-thing if you want to!  I didn’t say you couldn’t!”  But then that person continues on with, “Don’t try to tell me I can’t like it either!  I get sick and tired of people trying to tell me I can’t like what I want to!”  If the person continues on in their accusing manner, what’s going on to happen?  You’re going to be put on the offensive. 

It’s not the fact that the person likes such-and-such-a-thing that put you on the offensive.  It’s their defensiveness and their accusing attitude.   If someon’s attacking you – and doing it relentlessly – eventually you’re going to react, and the reaction is going to be a negative one.  It’s only natural that it would be.

There are Black women that don’t like IRR.  But there are Black men, White men and women, Biracial people who are half-Black and half-white, and various people of other races and racial “mixes” that don’t like IRR.    People don’t HAVE to like it.  Or anything else they don’t want to like.   As a matter of fact, people have a right to choose what they like and what they don’t like!

Typically, the people that post the “Black women are angry at Tiger Woods” type blogs, articles and posts fall into three groups:  Black men; White men; White women. 

The Black men who post these types of articles and blogs seem to be living vicariously through Tiger Woods (even though he said he doesn’t see himself as a Black man).  These men seem to believe that they are, in a sense, Tiger Woods, and that Black women are jealously clinging to them by trying to snatch them/Tiger Woods away from the 13 to 15 Black-man-stealing  white”mistresses”.  They like to fantasize that Tiger – a “black man” - having a pretty white wife is a positive reflection on them. That pretty, blonde Elin is just as much theirs as she is Tigers.  As is all of Tiger’s wealth, fame and accomplishments.  They also seem to be fantasizing that all those 1,000,000s of Black women are theirs too.  And that the scores of imaginary Black women clinging jealously to Tiger is also a positive reflection on them.  At least some of these “black” men MAY be Biracial men.  Who have probably never even been around Black women enough to know anything about what Black women do.  If you encounter a Biracial “Black?” man on the internet talking about Black  women being angry about Tiger Woods being with a white woman, he should be disregarded as a cracked nut.

The white men who post these types of blogs, articles, etc. seem to be caught up in a white-male-oriented fantasy of the “exotic”  “other” Black woman.  These white men belong to the same group that like to fantasize that  Black women are overtly-sexual and have their sex organs in their backsides.  They also may have some fascination with Black male sexuality (there are  white men that still do).  To them, the idea of angry Black women clinging possessively to Black men’s “you-know-what” seems to be a sexual turn on.

White women who posts these types of messages are the ones whose entire sense of self-worth seems to be rooted in two things.  1) the idea that Black women are jealous of them and want what they have; and 2) the idea that Black men want them.  Which is mythological at best. 

In other words, these women’s self-esteem and self-worth is rooted in nothing.  Which means they don’t have any.

People are entitled to their fantasies.  Those Black men who feel good make-believing that Tiger Wood’s is one of them and everything he has is theirs, they have a right to do that.  Same thing with the white men and women who have their fantasies.  But there is a line between fantasy and reality.  And it’s not even a line really.  It’s a chasm.  People need to be careful that they keep their fantasies from spilling over into everybody else’s realities.  Because eveybody else doesn’t want to live your fantasies.

Well I don’t.

Black Women Angry at Tiger Woods’ for Having White Mistresses

I’ve read alot on the internet about Black women being angry at Tiger Woods for having white mistresses.  Only thing is,  I can’t find any proof that this is true.   

I’m a Black woman myself, and I wasn’t mad when I found out that all of Tiger Woods’ mistresses (well, the ones we know about so far) are white.  And I wasn’t mad when he married a white woman either.  Nor was I surprised.  Didn’t even think about it.   Oh I’m sure that there are some Black women whose feelings were hurt when he married the Swedish blonde.  But it’s been five years.  I’m pretty certain those women have had time to get over it.

I frankly have never followed Tiger Woods’ career.  I do remember when he won his first Master’s Tournament many years ago.  And I understand that he has won it five or six times since.  I’ve always seen him as being a huge sports star, and I admired his success and his wholesome image. I even had a crush on him back in the day when TigerMania first began.  But I’ve never been a “fan”.

Truthfully, I’ve never even seen him as “Black”.  He said he wasn’t Black, years ago.  And he described himself as “Cablanasian”.  And I respected that.  I do understand that he’s half-Black, but I’ve never acknowledged him as one of my “own” because I didn’t think he wanted me to. 

Some people on the internet (none of them Black women) have said that Black women will feel “slighted” by Woods because none of his mistresses are Black.  I guess I can’t speak for all American Black women on this, but I don’t feel “slighted”.   Although the money these women have made is tempting, I wouldn’t want to be one of Tiger’s mistresses.  I wouldn’t want to be used for sex , and I wouldn’t want to be responsible for invading and possibly helping to destory a  woman’s marriage.

One of the popular T. Woods questions on the internet is, “Why didn’t Tiger Woods’ cheat with Black women”  (maybe not in those words). One woman made a good point when she said, “How do you know he didn’t?  Maybe he had Black mistresses and they just decided to keep quiet and accept the payoff?” (Oh yeah, by the way.  I hope and pray to God that none of his mistresses is Black.  It would be embarrassing!)  Peoople have also asked “How come Tiger Woods didn’t date Black women”.  Like they know any and every little detail about Woods’ love life prior to his marriage.  They didn’t even know about all of the white women that he had.

The fact is, if Tiger Woods had married a Black woman, she probably would have been the most hated woman in the country.  While dating Woods, she would have been continuously accused by many people of only being with him for his money.   After their marriage, those “many” would still be going on and on about what a gold-digger she and all other American Black women are.  Matter of fact, many people would still be blogging, posting and tweeting about it to this day.  Five years later.

And I’m not jealous of Tiger’s white wife either.  Yeah, like I said before, the money is tempting, but I wouldn’t want to be that poor woman.  Having your husband and father of your children cheat on you with numerous booty calls, and then having your love life smeared all over the tv and the papers.

Honestly, this whole Tiger Woods debacle has been more amusing than embittering.  Not the debacle itself, but all the stuff that came about as a result of it.  The You Tube video that took Tiger’s voice mail and turned it into a romantic slow jam (haven’t watched it, but it was a part of a news piece on tv).  The “news article” about Tiger Wood’s mistresses marching on Washington and demanding health care benefits.  And Tiger Woods’ reportedly saying that his wife went “ghetto” on him when she found out he’d been cheating.  I even laughed at Tiger Woods ‘wear you out’ voice mail.  That just did not seem like something he would say.  I mean honestly.  Tiger Woods seems like an even bigger geek than myself!  And the only thing I know how to wear out is pens and pencils!

Of course, the so-called Tiger Woods debacle has also been unnerving.  To find out that America’s Boy Next Door is an avid adulterer and a heartless playboy . . . that really hurt.  I was disappointed, and I’m not even a fan.  I’ve only watched tiny bits of the stories on tv because I just find it too disturbing.

My mother said that “Tiger Woods needs to go home so he can work on his wife and his family, I don’t care what color she is”.

I say, “Here here”.

That means I agree. 

Tiger Woods’ “Mistresses”

The women that Tiger Woods had affairs with are constantly referred to in the media as “mistresses”.  But are they mistresses?

A mistress is a woman with whom a married man has an actual relationship.   The mistress is usually loved (or feels loved), and may be taken care of and looked after.  The man may take her out on dates,  visit with her regularly, and even stay over at her house from time to time.  The relationship is a questionable one, and is clearly unfair to the wife, but it’s still a relationship.

Tiger Woods did not  have a real relationship with either of his “mistresses”. It was purely physical.  And there was hardly anything “pure” about it.  He didn’t take care of them or provide for them, or stay over at their houses or take them out on real dates.  And obviously none of the women was interested in love.  They were mainly interested in Tiger because he was Tiger.  Woods, that is.

These women are not “mistresses”.  But they could be one or all of the following:  “groupies”, “one night stands”, ‘hook-ups’, and “booty-calls”.

Invading Tiger Woods’ Private Life? Yeah right!

I get confused when people say that what goes on with Tiger Woods should remain private, is a private matter, etc.  The thing is anybody who lives in this culture should know that NOTHING  is private when you are a huge celebrity like Tiger Woods.  Of course people are going to talk about it, blog about it, tweet about it, etc.  Because one of the people involved in the “scandal” is a huge, big-name celebrity.  And that’s the way things work in  the U.S. A.  A big-name celebrity gets involved in a “scandal”, the scandal is made public by some source, the television media grabs ahold of it and reports on it, and continues to do so until the public gets tired of watching.   High interest equals high ratings.  Until the the interest starts to dip.

And the “mistresses” that revealed that they had affairs with Tiger Woods wanted this to be known.  It’s not like the public found out because we were all snooping around, going through Tiger’s trash and looking through the numbers on his cell phone.  We found out because the women involved wanted us to find out.  The people that adamantly defend Tiger Woods as if though the public is forcibly invading his private life need to put things into better perspective.  Tiger Woods knows that he is Tiger Woods.  He knows that he’s a big-name celebrity.  With much emphasis on the “big”.  Common sense should’ve told him that regardless of how much money he dished out in exchange for silence, his “mistresses” were going to take advantage of his celebrity by revealing his “secret life”. Or, put a different way, common sense should’ve told him that  there was at least  some chance  that one day, these women were going to expose his “transgressions”.  If anything, just so they could try to get a few minutes in the media spotlight.

When you look at the situation closesly and with an unbiased eye, you see that it was Tiger Woods who exposed his own ”private life” by having random sex with strangers, then paying them (or at least one of them)  with what to him is mere pocket change.  I mean for real.  These women had sense enough to know that they could make more than five thousand dollars by simply selling their stories to a tabloid.  And honestly, hardly no one can invite other people into their marriage, and then expect to keep the marriage “private”.  Especially not if that person’s name is something like Tiger Woods.

Really, the only people that are invading Tiger Woods’ private life are the women involved.  So if you want to chastize someone for being invasive, chastize those women that invaded Tiger Woods’ marriage and intruded on his wife’s personal space.

More Later . . .

If you like this blog, please come back later.  Because I’m going to keep this blog updated.

Was The Attack At Fort Hood Terrorist-related?

Some people believe that the deadly attack at Fort Hood on Thursday was terrorist-related.  They believe that the alleged perpetrator, U.S. Major Nidal M. Hasan, was trying to “send a message to the West” about Islam.  Supposedly, Hasan was dressed in traditional Islamic garb during the attacks.  I haven’t had a chance to read much about this yet; people are still finding out things.  But I did read not too long that a group of American Muslims condemned the attacks, and that many Muslims in this country are afraid that they will be targeted as a result of what happened on Thursday.

Where I live, there are at least some people who have expressed anger against Muslims and against Islam.  You can read more about this by clicking the link.

 http://www.examiner.com/x-28954-Birmingham-Christian-Perspectives-Examiner

 

About Interracial Relationships: People Don’t Have to Like Them

People don’t have to like interracial relationships.  Point blank and simple.  If you don’t like that,  I don’t know what to tell you.  Except maybe you might want to think about moving to another planet.  Because as long as this planet is here and is round, there are going to be people that don’t like IRR. 

Lots of different kinds of people don’t like IRR.  It is not just “jealous” black women and “racist” white men that don’t like it.  There are black men that don’t like it and white women too.  And there are people that are neither black nor white that don’t like IRR.  And guess what?  There are also biracial people that don’ t like IRR.

Different people have different reasons for not liking different things.  Just because a person doesn’t like IRR doesn’t mean that person is ”racist”.  It may mean that they just don’t perfer that people mix.  When we don’t like something, it is organic.  It is natural to us.  People don’t consciously decide to not like something.  It just happens.  They get a feeling on the inside and they just know  what they like and what they don’t like.

You may force a kid to eat brocolli even if they don’t like it.  But guess what?  By the time that child becomes an adult and you no longer have control over what he should or should not eat, that kid – now an adult – is going to hate brocolli anyway.  And will probably hate it even more as an adult just because you spent all those years forcing it down his throat as a child. 

Accusing somebody of being “racist” or whatever else is not going to cause that person to  change just because it would make you feel comfortable.

If you’re in an IRR, and you get mad  at people for not liking these types of relationships, then that’s your problem, because you’re the one who’s mad.  Nobody’s forcing you to be mad or offended just becasue somebody else has an opinion that’s different from yours.

And if you are biracial, I don’t think I need to repeat myself.

Yes I know you wouldn’t be here if it hadn’t been for an IRR.  But so?  People aren’t obligated to change their opinions just because you’re here.  The world does not revolve around you or your biracial heritage.